Craig Williams. Australian jockey. Psychiatric nurse.

Tom Petty. Lyric-lifting singer/songwriter. All-grown up American Girl.

Chuck Klosterman. Pop-culture obsessed and farm-raised hipster who writes for GQ and ESPN.

Lance Burton. Slightly less creepy Las Vegas-based magician. k.d. lang stand in.

Lou Reed. Musician. Recreational drug use advocate. You know, those were different times.

Kevin Rudd. Ear wax munching member of Australian Parliament.

John Rzeznik.* Former Replacements groupie. Lead singer of Goo Goo Dolls.

Richard Butler. Molly Ringwald serenading lead singer of the Psychedelic Furs.

Bruce Cockburn. Canadian singer-songwriter with Middle School giggle producing last name (pronounced, however, "Co-burn").

Kyle MacLachlan. Actor known for his work with David Lynch and Elizabeth Berkley. Manages website about his two small dogs.

Contest! [see poll, top left corner]

Inaugural contest winner Bryan Borubin is no doubt showing off his "men who looks like old lesbians" T-shirt to friends and gaining entry into his town's most exclusive clubs. Now three others who have submitted candidates will have a chance to do the same. Please vote for: Phil Spector, Merv Griffin or Wes Anderson. Thank you and thanks for all the submissions--and please send more. Keith Mays. (See pictures below.)

Phil Spector

Wes Anderson

Merv Griffin

Lesbians of the future edition

Mo Rocca. I'm not really sure what he does.

Smokey Robinson. Singing legend. Record executive. Frozen food salesperson. Point guard for the Sparks.

Eddie Money. One of New York's Finest turned musician who was making non-descriptive rock before Bryan Adams even thought of sucking.

Warren Beatty. Actor. Director. Famed foe of Bobby Riggs. Former BFF of Carly Simon.

Andy Warhol. Painter. Film maker. Graphic artist. In the future, everyone will have bad hair for 15 minutes.

Historical Edition

Oscar Wilde. Irish writer perhaps best known for not suffering from depression or alcoholism or both. "The only thing worse than being blogged about is not being blogged about at all."

Bruce Vilanch. Sneaker-wearing quipster often charged with the task of making Whoopi Goldberg amusing.

David Hasselhoff. Singer. Actor. Burger munching YouTube star. Drunk.

Don Imus. Disc jockey and humorist whose comments about the Rutgers University women's basketball team in 2007 led to the name "Imus" being mentioned on a college campus for the first time in 35 years.

Mike Miller. Grizzly NBA player. Manages Sleater-Kinney fan website.

David Bowie. Singer. Songwriter. Actor. Co-star of the mystifyingly successful sit com "Mad About You."

Garrison Keillor. Mildly homophobic radio host and author.

Robert Redford. Actor. Director. Head of Women's Studies at Community College of Denver.

Lenorad Nimoy. "V" is for... Actor. Snapper of naughty pictures.

John Denver. Singer. Country boy. Aviator.

CONTEST! (Poll in top left of blog)

The post below contains pictures of three of the more popular submissions to the "men who look like old lesbians" blog--Ric Ocasek, Tony Curtis and David Lynch. I chose them based on e-mails, comments, phone calls and other feedback I received. There are plenty of other great candidates too and I plan on including them in future polls. New submissions will, of course, also be in upcoming polls. The contest will end on Friday, November 2, 2007--midnight-ish, PST. The winner will receive a free "men who look like old lesbians" T-shirt. Soon after that, I'll start another poll. (Yes, a lawyer suggested some of this copy and yes he wanted me to change "midnight-ish" to 12:00 AM, but so far I haven't, even though he assured me he only had my best interests at heart. He's also come up with some other legal language that he wants me to put on the blog that I probably will, but haven't yet.). Thank you. Keith Mays.

Ric Ocasek
Tony Curtis

David Lynch

Al Franken. Writer. Possible candidate. Rush Limbaugh tormentor. Art director of Lands' End catalogue

Facial Hair Edition

Ken Burns. Documentary film maker ("Softball," "Jazzercise"). PBS contributor.

Billy Crystal. Shtick-addicted host. A grandparent, while I can still walk, thank you very much!

Tom Cruise. Straight actor in a solid, love-based marriage; father (in all senses of the word) of adorable baby. Free to participate and advocate the religion of his choice without fear of judgment, as is his right.

Ian Hunter. Leader of the often over-looked band Mott the Hoople. "Hey you in the glasses. Get some Ray-Bans."

J Mascis. Guitar-loving indie god. Could teach the Reid brothers a thing or two about noise.

William Katt. Actor. Retired superhero. Co-owner of reflexology store near Amherst, Mass.

Paul Stanley. Cat loving musician who often appears with others from band on front of ironic T-shirts.

Larry Flynt. Publisher of magazine specializing in gynecology. Smuttiest person to appear before Supreme Court who is not a Justice.

Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora. Founding members of Bon Jovi ; found career resurgence as Le Tigre.

Pete Rose. Single-minded professional gambler. President of the CLAWS (Cincinnati League of All-Women Softball).

Newt Gingrich. Former speaker of the House. Long time partner of Andrea Dworkin.

Lance Bass.* Junior astronaut. F.O.B. (Friend of Britney). Broadway actor, in the tradition of Rosie O'Donnell.

Erik Estrada. TV cop turned Spanish television soap star turned real estate salesperson.

Gary Shandling. Comic. Writer. Dog-loving talk show host.

Zach Efron** Lip-syncing singer/actor. Heartthrob for girls, ages 8-13 and men, ages 28 -33.

Steve Miller (AKA Maurice). Musician. Peach-loving space cowboy.

David Brenner. Did you ever notice I don't have an act?

Patrick Swayze. Actor. Dancer. Currently pitching a musical production of "Ghost" featuring himself and Lisa Bonet.