Frankie Negron (aka the Hispanic Rachel Maddow). Salsa singer.

As'ad Abu Kahil. Professor, writer, blogger and self-proclaimed former Marxist-Leninist. (photo/information courtesy of eHarmony)

Bud Adams. Finger-flippin' owner of the Tennessee Titans whose team, for the most part, has been playing like a bunch of old lesbians.

Couples

Joe Perry and Steven Tyler. Like "The Office," an American knock off that falls way short of the original British version.

Ferreira Gullar. Brazilian intellect who has written plays, poems, essays and, to date, every episode of "Accidentally on Purpose."

Claude Le Roy. Soccer coach (Oman national team) turned aging soccer mom who frequently points out that, unlike partner, has never missed a game.

Robben Ford. Blues and jazz fusion guitarist (which I think means the songs are long). Claims to have given up sex in the late `70s for spiritual reasons and lack of a partner.

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Kalan Porter. Canadian. Singer. "Okay, um. So I'm gonna move to LA, get a job PA-ing on `Ellen,' hand her my tape and see what happens from there."

Mick Ralphs. Musician. Guitarist. One of the boys until, of course, Ralphs started looking like an old lesbian.

Ermete Realacci. Italian politician. Dead ringer for my babysitter in Uniondale, New York, Lucretia.

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Chad Rogers. Real estate salesperson. Star of Bravo reality show. "I'm glad you like the show, but I'm pretty sure you mean Rachel Maddow."

Encore!*

Michael Moore. Documentary film maker who strikes fear in the hearts of capitalist pigs (and, I'm guessing, all other pigs).

Biz Stone. Entrepreneur. Helped Americans realize their every thought was worth putting into something approaching words. Trainer, women’s lacrosse team at Unive

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Spencer Breslin. Actor. "Sorry, Nancy. This is as femme as I get."

Tim Lincecum. MLB pitcher. After John Hughes, the person submitted most often in the past few weeks--and not just from Dodger fans. Not sure I see it, but I'm easily cowered.

Jørn Hurum. Norwegian paleontologist who reportedly recently split with long-time partner Kelli.

John Hughes. Beloved filmmaker, gym teacher at Shermerville High.

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Johann Hari. British writer and journalist whose work appears in (among other publications) The Huffington Post, the place to go if you want political insight from people in the entertainment industry.

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Cameron Douglas. Failed pharmaceutical entrepreneur.

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Tom Chaplin. British musician and singer with the somewhat mopey band Keane

Novelist, two time Oscar-winning screenwriter ("On the Waterfront," "Maid in Manhattan.") Long time companion of Gertrude Stein. I'd say who it is but I don't want to name names.

John Houdi. Swedish magician and comic. Scandinavia's second most successful entertainer behind Dane Cook.

Encore!

Kim Jong-il. Smallish pant-suit wearing dictator whose country had nasty things to say about our average-sized, pant-suit wearing Secretary of State.

Stieg Larsson. Left-leaning (figuratively and literally in this picture) Swedish author who as a child appeared on "The Sony and Cher Comedy Hour."

Ron "Tater Salad" White. Comic, member of the Blue Collar Comedy group who doesn't have a moustache or sit com on TNT (or is it TBS?). BTW, women, you are different!

Eric Tillman. General managers of the Canadian Football League's (and unfortunately named in this case) Saskatchewan Roughriders, who is on administrative leave after being charged with the very unfunny crime of sexual assault. Still, looks like an old lesbian.

Aaron Sorkin. Playwright, screenwriter, television writer/producer. "Oh, honey, I hope you can handle this truth: Those highlights have to go--and BTW, look into some new frames!"

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Marty Wolff (w/wife Amy). Former tubster and reality TV star who met wife on "The Biggest Loser" (there's a story for the grand kids). Personal trainer who claims to have once wrestled a bear claw.

Former Minnesota Senator Norm Coleman. Monty Python's Black Knight of politics (I haven't lost yet!) who finally conceded to fellow man who looks like old lesbian, Al Franken.

Ronald Takaki. Academic, historian and Buddhist nun, until forearming an Episcopalian priest in ecumenical basketball game and knocking her unconscious

Anthony Browne. British writer and illustrator best known for book of whimsical poems, " Old Possum's Book of Practical Shoes."

David Sylvian. British musician who subsidizes career pretending to be Wendie Malick at mall openings.

John Henry. Steel-driving man turned financial trader. Owner of former lovable losers and current unbearable winners, the Boston Red Sox. Along with life partner, runs health clinic in Chelsea near Admiral's Hill.

Ben Stiller. Simian-esque actor, director, mugger. Or maybe it's mugger, actor, director.

Ralph Stanley. So called "father of bluegrass" (no kidding); helped Roosevelt capture San Juan Hill, then turn it into a softball field.

Brent D. Benjamin. Chief Justice of West Virgina Supreme Court, where wrote majority opinion in Pickin' V. Grinnin.'

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Ben Lee. Australian singer/songwriter best known for alternative fluff. Recently nominated by PETA as one of the world's sexiest vegetarians, along with John C. Riley and Dan Abrams.

Nigel Lythgoe. Monty Python-esque named judge of second tier dance show and former choreographer given to homophobic remarks, presumably because being British and a former choreographer Lythgoe never met anyone gay.

Richard Hammond. British TV personality nicknamed "Hamster" because, according to Wikipedia, of diminutive size (as opposed to having expandable cheeks lined with fur).

Jeremy Irons. English actor. "Um, Jeremy, there might be people there with cameras."

Kevin Bacon. Actor. Madoff and fashion victim seen here taking in a Laker game, wishing it was the Sparks.

Attention Australians!

I get a number of submissions from Australia, for which I am very grateful. This had lead me to believe it might worthwhile to create a separate series of pages or blog of Australian men who look like old lesbians.

Should I bother? Are there more Australians who look like old lesbians I don't know about (I'm guessing yes)? If you feel like it, let me know. (By the way, I'm researching more about your fine country; all I know so far is 1) The movie "Australia" is supposed to suck 2) Every once in awhile, Hugh Jackman is on TV here explaining he's not gay)

Rowland Howard. Australian musician. A regular at Melbourne's Glasshouse. "Stop by and say, `hi!'"

Dermott Brereton. Australian football player and former star of the Hawthorn Hawks. "No, really, this is my hair naturally. I don't do anything to it. Honest."

Milorad Blagojevich (Rod). Dignity-defying former governor of Illinois. Seen here relaxing poolside at the Highlands Inn.

Bert Newton. A "multiple Gold Logie winner" (according to Wikiepedia) who claims to have stopped wearing a bra in middle school.

Phil Lesh. Musician. I wash it, towel dry it and I'm set for the day. Maybe two days!

Bruce Mendenhall. Trucker. Suspected serial killer.

Tom Fuller. Musician. Animal lover. Extra in Christopher Guest movies.

Boninho. Brazilian television director (Big Brother), and fast-pitch softball champion who struck out Barry Bonds, Albert Pujols and A-Rod in an exhibition game.