men who look like old lesbians

Tom Petty. Lyric-lifting singer/songwriter. All-grown up American Girl.

Chuck Klosterman. Pop-culture obsessed and farm-raised hipster who writes for GQ and ESPN.

Lance Burton. Slightly less creepy Las Vegas-based magician. k.d. lang stand in.

Lou Reed. Musician. Recreational drug use advocate. You know, those were different times.

Kevin Rudd. Ear wax munching member of Australian Parliament .

John Rzeznik.* Former Replacements groupie. Lead singer of Goo Goo Dolls.

Richard Butler. Molly Ringwald serenading lead singer of the Psychedelic Furs.